I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
