Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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