Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
