Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
