I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
