I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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