C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
