Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize