can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
