We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
