I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
