Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
