I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
