The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
