Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
