I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize