Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
