barbara walters just said penis...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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