Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You can't motorboat a personality
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
