Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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