DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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