So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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