She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
