i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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