How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize