Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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