Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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