yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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