Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
