got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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