i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
