also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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