you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
