Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
