dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
