Say something about gay babies.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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