we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
