I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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