Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
