I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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