Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
