btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
