Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize