take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
