im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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