Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
