my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
