I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I smell stomach acid.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
