This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize