How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
