Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
