Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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