Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
