your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
