My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I supernannyed him into submission
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize