A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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