Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
