You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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