dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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