And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i barfeds in our rink
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
