I accidentally burped into my bong.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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