Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
