When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
