No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize