You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
