I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
