Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
