put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
