omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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