What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
