My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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