So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
