i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
