I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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