it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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