I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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