On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I need to wash the frat house off of me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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